Is Halfway Good Enough?

Sometime last summer when I really had no idea what I was doing, I decided to lose 40 lbs before I turned 40.  I embarked on yet another "diet" at the time, South Beach I think it was.  I lost a few pounds and then gained it back and said, "Well, that's that!  I just can't lose weight!  My metabolism is shot!"  The usual things I used to say.

I am a week away from turning 40 and now that I know what I am doing, I have lost 20 lbs.  Halfway there!  I will take it!  

July 2011 I weighed in at my heaviest for years.  I was miserable, my legs were excessively swollen and painful, and I didn't see an end in sight.  I literally started to wonder if I would be in a wheelchair soon - it was that bad.  I felt out of control.  All I can say is thank Heaven for the people in my life who didn't give up on me or say that I was "fine" the way I was.  I wasn't fine!  For me it isn't about how I look anymore, it is about how I feel when my feet hit the floor in the morning.  It is about getting through my day.  It is about not missing church because my feet are so swollen I can't put on shoes.  

These days I am trying not to have set goals in terms of weight loss.  I am doing everything the way I need to and my body is letting go of the weight and the toxins gradually and without extreme measures.  I am giving myself permission to do that.  When my body is done losing, it will stop.  I no longer have a set number in mind.  

But more than that, I am having so much fun!  I have let go of a great deal of stress and am surrounding myself with positive people.  I am discovering a side of myself - no, creating a new part of myself.  8 years ago as my mom and I drove across the country with my six month old son, we had a deep conversation at a restaurant in Kirtland, Ohio on my 32nd birthday.  She said that over the years she watched me reinvent myself over and over again.  It's true - I like change.  I like to look back and see where I have been and know that I was able to overcome challenges, or make changes that needed to be made in myself.  

It's what my husband says he likes best about me.  He never knows what he is going to get and that keeps him on his toes.  

I thought it would be fun to post pictures from my 20th birthday and my 30th birthday.  Then I will post all three together when I get one on my 40th next weekend.  Here's to the next decade!

 20th Birthday - BYU student, permed hair, 1992.  With my friend Andrea who is probably the longest running friend I have that I still keep in touch with.  
We met when we were 10 in 5th grade, so we have known each other now for 30 years.
30th Birthday - living in Virginia, had met my husband, but we weren't dating, 2002.  These flowers were a gift from my friend Cheryl.  I met her in 1992.
This June we will have known each other for 20 years.  

1 comment:

  1. Great post Heidi! So great. I am now 40 and need to make this same goal for my upcoming birthday. It is becoming more and more about health and how I feel and the "looking good" part will be a natural side effect.

    In fact, I'm working from home today solely because I needed a really long walk for fresh air, thinking time and exercise. Here's to sticking to the priorities, right?

    Congrats on the 20 pounds! That is awesome!